Ravichandran Ashwin, who recently claimed the milestone of 500 Test wickets and appeared in his 100th match in the format for India in the series against England earlier this month, has fought many battles, on and off the field through the course of his career, en route to attaining the legendary status. But perhaps the most difficult of all came in 2017, when he almost quit cricket.

Seven years back, Ashwin was dropped from the white-ball team without any clarity on his future. It was post the Champions Trophy tournament that year, where India had lost to Pakistan in the final. The management, with the Indian cricket team under Virat Kohli, wanted to head into a new direction with the spin combination as they roped in leggies Kuldeep Yadav and Yuzvendra Chahal.

“He didn’t know if he was dropped or rested. If someone told Ashwin, ‘come here, you are not good enough’, he would get out and work on it. But when he was not told why he wasn’t there, I saw him struggling,” Ashwin’s wife, Prithi, recently opened up on that phase of his husband’s career to Indian Express.

Speaking on the revelation made by Prithi, Ashwin told the newspaper on Monday that despite having a supportive family, opening up to them was always difficult for him. He explained, “Even though I have my family rooting for me and I can come back to my family, I cannot say a lot of things. I would say cricket, in many ways, is a corporate affair with a little bit of governmental organisational activities and attributes.

“Though, If I come and talk with my dad about corporate stuff, he has only one line to say: It’s all politics. And that’s a very large line. And even fans end up doing the same thing. Occasionally, when I find myself in a dark spot, I have also done that a little. But it’s a very wrong thing to do because you feel somebody’s success is coming very easily. It’s not. My wife is a wonderful listener, but she had a very young family and I was not giving her enough time,” he added.

However, the eventual conversation with his father resulted in leaving him in a dark place in his life, where he reached the extend of deciding to quit cricket.

“One fine day, we were having a conversation. My dad said something. And some internal affair of the house had broken down. And I said something to my dad. My dad and I fight a lot. And he eventually threw a statement “You know what? You are too upright and honest. That’s why you are getting screwed.” He made that statement and left. I am not someone who is emotive. I would like to think I am pretty strong but I just locked myself away. And then I started weeping. I was crying for a long time. I didn’t expect my dad to say that. I don’t think he even realised what he did,” the veteran Indian cricketer said.

“I thought I am putting people in my house through a lot. I used to lock myself in the room. I never watched cricket. My room used to be dark all the time.”

Ashwin had almost given up on his career and rather wanted to pursue an MBA degree and get into marketing. However, he decided against it after seeking outside help which changed his life.

“I decided to quit cricket. I was asking myself what would I do? And I said whatever I do in life, I would try to achieve excellence and be as good as I can be in that profession. I would probably try to do an MBA and probably be in marketing. I gave myself so many options and then thought before I make any decision, I must get crystal-clear clarity. Probably get an outsider’s view into my life. And see who I am, where I am. That’s when I sought some external help and it changed my life for the better,” he concluded.