Each person has their own attachment style. The attachment style reflects a lot of things – the upbringing, childhood trauma and abandonment trauma. When a person has been through extreme abandonment and childhood trauma, they tend to develop avoidant attachment style as a defense mechanism. For such people. Developing intimacy and emotionally committing to a relationship can be extremely difficult. “Navigating love with someone who fears intimacy can be a rollercoaster, but remember, small victories are big wins! It takes a ton of courage for avoidant partners to open up, so celebrate those tiny steps forward. Every time they share a bit more, every time they show up for a conversation, that’s a reason to be proud! But remember, boundaries around what you can handle are crucial too. Protect your heart with healthy limits and being open about what will/won’t work for you. Open communication is key, but don’t pressure them to move faster than they’re comfortable,” wrote Relationship Coach Rikki Cloos.

ALSO READ: 5 tips for couples to build intimacy and trust in a relationship

Hacks to lean into closeness in relationship:

Start small: Instead of doing big acts of closeness, we should learn to start small. Knowing about each other’s day and being kind to each other can help us to connect better.

Small topics: Conversations can feel overwhelming for people with avoidant attachment. It is important to start with small topics or small questions to start right.

Seek opinions: We should seek the opinion and perspective of the partner. This will help them to open up to us and will help us to understand them better.

Physical intimacy: We should challenge ourselves to show random acts of physical intimacy – it can be a short hug or a peck on the cheeks.

Shared activities: We should find activities where we can both participate. This will help us to spend more time together and create happy memories.

Time together: We should intentionally create space for more we-time and prioritise the time we have with each other.

Support: We should celebrate their small wins and support their hobbies and interests. We should show interest in knowing about things that they are passionate about.

Reveal our struggles: We should practice being vulnerable to our partner. We should reveal our struggles and notice how they are supporting us.

Ask the partner: We should ask the partner how they would like to be loved. We should lean into intimacy in the way they want it.

Therapy: We should consider couple therapy to open up more and become more emotionally aware oof each other.